If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters- yes, even his own life - he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciples. Luke 14:26-27
Out of nowhere, last week the reality of Texas hit me. I am moving. Starting over. Again. It hit 2 times over the past weekend. Once when I dropped my friend Cathryn off at the airport to go to Italy for a mission trip. The 2nd time was when I left the Schuberts after having a conversation about how natural our relationship has become.
It's so great having people in my life like that. People whose houses you can just walk into anytime. People who you can call sobbing because you had a bad day or your boss hurt your feelings. People who can just walk out the door and leave you with their kids because you know their routine by heart. People who pick you up from the airport after your Grandpa dies and welcomes you back with "A Welcome Home Grandpa" cake.
I love having these relationships in my life. I will miss the Schuberts SOOOOOOOOOOO much. And Cathryn. They have become so dear to me and are some of the people I am confident will be lifelong friends. And every time I hang out with them and realize my days are numbered as to how often I will see them I get a bit sadder.
All of this has made me think a lot about God's call on my life. The call to deny self. The call to follow Him ANYWHERE. These people who have become family to me are the ones I have to love with all my heart and then learn to say goodbye. I don't have the supposed "luxury" many of my friends these days have of settling down, getting married, staying in one "secure" place for an unknown period of time.
A lot of times I feel honored, and then a lot of times I feel sad. Why me? Lord, why am I one you've called to "go to the ends of the earth." And then I picture the orphan's faces in Africa and in other parts of the world that I'm confident I will meet one day. Then I will know why I lived a life of sacrifice. A life of goodbyes.
And then I read this verse and remembered why I can have hope.
Mark 10
I tell you the truth, Jesus replied, no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a HUNDRED TIMES as much in this PRESENT age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields- and with them, persecutions) and in the age TO COME, eternal life. Mark 10: 29-30
Death is such a strange thing. This past weekend was a very surreal event. It was great to be with my family to celebrate my Grandpa's life and to mourn his death together. Upon returning to Orlando I'm not sure that I really fully comprehend that he is gone. I decided not to look at the body during the viewing because I didn't want that vision to be my last of him. As soon as they closed the casket, though, I slightly regretted the decision, making me wonder if it would help me to know it was real.
I feel fine most of the time and then at random intervals throughout the day I just start weeping about him again. Every time I think of him walking streets of gold with Jesus beside him I can't help but burst into tears. I think it's a mixed feeling of sadness that he's not here, pure joy that he is not suffering anymore and in the best place possible, and a bit of jealousy because I desperately want to be with Christ.
During the funeral I kept starring at the closed casket wondering what my funeral will be like. I know it seems a bit cliche, but it's an interesting thing to think about what your life is all about. What will people say about me? When we come to the end of the road- what was life all about? I think subconsciously when you become a missionary you know that your life could end early. You know that your life is a sacrifice.
As memories of my grandfather come flooding back over the past week I thank the Lord that he loved his family well. That he invested so much in his grandchildren and loved us well. He set a great example for us in so many ways.
I don't know about you, but I want my life to count. I want people to come to my funeral and say "she lived in a manner worthy of her calling." As "a citizen of heaven."
Yesterday, my Grandfather went to be with Jesus. He was so very special to me and I thought it may be therapeutic to write a blog post all about why I love him while waiting to leave for the airport to go to AZ for the funeral.
Growing up in MI I was able to have the "classic" All-American childhood experience thanks to my grandpa.
My grandparents owned a cottage "up north" on the lake. Speed Boat. Fishing Boat. Water ski's. Inner-tubes. Tractors. Motorcycle. Snow Mobiles. Paddle boats. Long wooden dock. Motor Home. The whole nine-yards.
Ever since I can remember I wanted to be like my grandpa. I always looked up to him and thought he was an amazing man. Every summer my family would make multiple trips up to the cottage to spend time with my grandparents. We would always go out on my grandpa's speed boat. And the day he let me drive it for the first time was one of the proudest of my life! It was always so fun to see him get his baseball hat on to make sure his head would not burn and then go out on the lake and drive his family around.
We would also go out on his tractor with him. Classic John Deere Green and Yellow huge tractor. I would sit on his lap as we drove it around, until I was old enough to drive that myself too.
My grandpa also had a white jeep. His white jeep is my favorite memory of him. I remember when he got it I was determined to have a jeep just like his. So, when I turned 14 I started to save up to get a Jeep to be like him. When I was 17 my parents surprised me with a blue Jeep just like his!!! I was so excited.
The biggest joke between my grandpa and myself is about squirrels. At the cottage they had a bird feeder that hung right outside of the table in their kitchen. Squirrels would always eat all the bird food and make him mad so he started to shoot them. That was so upsetting to me that I once bought a squirrel crossing sign (yes, a yellow sign with a black squirrel picture on it) and hung it there when he wasn't home. It was such a funny debate we had going on.
He also had a huge motor home. It was SOOO fun growing up with a grandpa who could pick me up from school and have my friends think it was so cool to ride around in his house on wheels!
My little white Corolla that I have now is all because of him. When I was 14 he told me that however much money I worked for and saved up for a car he would match it. Well, he didn't think I would actually do it but when I hit $3000 he decided he better cap it at $4000. So half of my car was paid for by him!!!
Some funny random facts about my grandpa
1. He LOVED Crispix cereal
2. He made this funny sound with his teeth after dinner that meant "Shirley, I want my coffee"
3. He always had to wear shirts that had a little pocket on the front so that he could carry his pens and glasses in them.
4. He loved to keep up with what he thought was the "latest technology" meaning computers that were a few years old and getting wireless many years after it came out
5. He would take FOREVER when making a decision. Looking up every review, every price, every last minute detail about an item before purchasing it.
6. He taught me how to clean a car properly by having me help him clean his motor home.
Thank you for reading this. My life really would not be the same if it wasn't for my Grandpa! I can't wait to tell him how much I loved him when I get to be in heaven with him and Jesus.
So, the big news can finally be public. I am moving to College Station, Texas! As a result of the GCM Board decision back in December I have spent the past 5 months of my life seeking out God's desire for this
next step in ministry. It's been a long and very hard 5 months, but some of the best of my life. I feel that I have a much firmer grasp on whoGod has made me to be, and that is invaluable. Fellowship Church offered me a job that is a PERFECT fit for what God has revealed to me about myself.
I wanted to start a new blog now that I'll have people spanning 2 States that
I am close with and will really miss. I am hoping to be more consistent in my blogging to keep all of you updated about what God is doing in my life in Texas.
I don't have much time to write right now, so this will be a brief synopsis with more to come later. Orlando has been a very hard place for me to live. I have not found an outlet for my passions here, and even in just the few days spent in College Station visiting, I met so many people that are passionate about the same things I am.
The part of my job that I am most excited about is getting my Master's from William Carey International University. I have an entire story to tell about that at a later time
But, for now, please pray for me, I am moving June 25 and have about $500/month left to raise and $3000 in one-time gifts.
Thank you all for your love and support as I've worked through this process of moving to Orlando and then walking through this next phase of my journey with God.
Because of my major move and life change about to come up this summer, I thought it would be a good time to make the switch to a cool new blog site :) I hope to keep you updated about life, ministry, and fun media I am enjoying.
Recent Comments
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Dave & Collette said:
Jenni,It has been, and will continue to be our pleasure and honor to be your friends! We love you and... read more
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Darlene said:
Awesome...what a wonderful expression of your love for your grandpa...and account of his love for you! read more
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Sarha said:
Jenni Lu :-) I am so sorry to hear this news. I had no idea this happened until I just... read more
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I hope you had a wonderful birthday! We love you!!!!! read more
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